Like so many columns, this one started with a question from my editor: ‘Is business etiquette still relevant today or is it an outdated concept?’
My first thought was to take a pass on that topic. Who am I to decide? But after giving it more thought, I realized that many of the issues managers raise in my classes and my coaching are directly related to that seemingly old-fashioned notion of etiquette.
At its core, business etiquette refers to how we express and feel respect in the workplace, present ourselves, communicate with each other and relate to those we serve. Some of these are never-changing standards like honesty and empathy. To me, those are non-negotiable. But others are ever-changing. Thank goodness for that. I say that as someone who remembers when business etiquette dictated that women weren’t supposed to wear pants to the office. And saw the prefix “Ms.” finally adopted on the pages of The New York Times in 1986.
Now that we’ve established that I’m ancient and that etiquette can benefit from updates, let’s see if your formal or informal standards could use a tuneup.
How we express and feel respect
Leaders have every right to be addressed with honorifics and titles — Mrs., Dr., Captain, Dean, Rabbi — if they wish, or if it helps people understand their role. We should follow their guidance, including when they tell us to drop those titles and call them by their first names. But we shouldn’t assume it’s our prerogative. When joining a team, get a read on people’s preferences, including their pronouns. If a colleague prefers “they,” it doesn’t hurt you to extend that courtesy, and it shows respect to them.
In today’s diverse workplaces, it’s up to us to learn the correct pronunciation of our colleagues’ names. Don’t give someone a nickname just to make it easier for you.
Make it a practice to be as thoughtful and courteous to the lowest-paid or lowest-status employee as you do to the CEO. Treat them as colleagues rather than helpers. Make them feel appreciated, not invisible.
Keeping workspaces clean shouldn’t be optional, but how we decorate them can be flexible. Personal touches make for warmer, happier environments. Displaying our families, partners, pets, awards or sport team loyalties lets us bring our whole selves to work and share our stories. But in these polarized political times, it’s wiser to save any political messaging for off-duty conversations and only when welcome. This isn’t a call to regulate speech, but rather to invite people to be considerate of others who may not appreciate feeling lobbied or lectured.
When it comes to shared spaces, keeping things presentable is everyone’s responsibility. Don’t allow your leftovers to turn into science experiments in the break room fridge or your coffee cup to grow a fur coat in the common sink.
How we present ourselves
Does your dress code need to be revisited? Is it there to promote the well-being of the team and those they serve? Lab coats, face masks and work shoes may all meet that standard. Things get tricky when leaders impose their personal tastes on others. If the boss prefers to wear a suit to work each day, it doesn’t necessarily mean everyone must. Have a clear goal for any dress code and be able to explain it. Allow staff input. I’m not advocating for an office full of athletic attire, of course. But today we know comfortable, casual and clean can still look professional.
But what if it doesn’t? A manager I was coaching asked how to talk with someone in their development office who was coming to work looking unkempt. It was a public-facing job, so making a good impression mattered. I suggested this approach:
Manager: Do you remember what you wore when you applied for your job?
Employee: I recall it was a sport coat and tie.
Manager: Why did you choose that combination?
Employee: I wanted to make a good impression.
Manager: That’s what I hoped you’d say — and what I hope you’ll do again, especially when working with our donors.
How about hair, makeup, fragrance and ornamentation? In healthy workplaces, staff feel comfortable being themselves. They don’t have to style their hair to please the boss, wear makeup if they’d rather not or hide a tattoo. They know too much fragrance can cause others headaches. It’s better to ask people to use common sense than impose inflexible rules beyond those required by law for safety and hygiene.
How we communicate with each other
Courtesy and politeness will never go out of style. Saying ‘Please’ and ‘Thanks,’ taking turns and waiting for everyone to be served before eating are all evergreen manners. (Getting everyone to set aside their phones during meals? That may be a stretch.)
We use multiple communication platforms today. Each has its own ethos. Important correspondence should be perfect — copy edited for spelling, punctuation, grammar, accuracy and clarity — because sloppy business writing undercuts the sender’s credibility.
The world of texts and internal messaging is more informal. Emojis, abbreviations and acronyms abound while proper punctuation may not. As long as the looser, informal habits don’t creep into your formal business correspondence, and as long as everyone understands what the meme they just received means, we’re fine.
For other tips on good business communication, check out my column from this past April.
How we relate to those we serve
The customer may not always be right. In fact, today, they might not even be civil. Delays or mistakes can frustrate our patients and customers. But it’s still good business etiquette to treat them with respect. The humanity we express in dealing with others can defuse tension. Solving a problem can build a bond that people remember.
Make sure your public-facing staff know when a problem should be escalated to managers. Or when to politely disengage from an abusive person. But most of the people we serve are often the best part of our day, especially when we treat them with positivity, empathy and respect.
Take a page from my son who received a customer service award while working at a neighborhood store in high school. His secret to success was simple: “When people ask me where something is, especially older people, I don’t just point them there. I walk them over to it.”
Let’s take that approach to business etiquette. Go the extra step to be your best self — for others.
